Star Wars Last Jedi title It's red and dark, therefore menacing

You can take a look at the video down below.

The problem with this trailer/teaser is that there is a LOT of slow fading to/from black, with less than a second of stuff happening actually being shown. There isn't much to go on, only hype.

The teaser opens sloooooowwwly with a rock. Not Dwayne Johnson but who knows, he might yet be in there somewhere.

Then we see... erm.. I don't remember her name. Luke's long lost daughter, we assume. The Force Awakens was not a particularly memorable film for me. I don't really remember the names of most of the new people. Except Poe because he has a black X-Wing and ravens are black. Word association. Anyway, let's call her Bob for now (They all have one syllable names..).

So yes, we then see Bob smacking the rock. She seems confused and on all fours. It appears she has lost her contact lenses. Tough spot to be in on a rocky landscape like that with all those crevices it could have rolled into. Luke chose an excessively impractical island to hide on. Where do you even park your ship if you're visiting?

There's various non specific dialogue, but we can surmise that Bob is being trained to be a Jedi. Luke is being her Ben Kenobi and guiding her along. Bob's lines sound like a carny fortune teller "I see Light" (wait, was that a CGI Carrie Fisher?), "I see Darkness", "I see you just came out of a difficult relationship", "I see Balance". I'm guessing they are going for the grey Jedi type thing à la Kyle Katarn / Jolee Bindo (it's old hat at this point) and there are few battle scenes, some other nondescript ones, and Poe's X-Wing gets blown up for some reason or other, also crop dusting:

Cropdusting Yep. Luke used to farm moisture in the desert, why not cropdusting?

The biggest, or rather only, really significant line of dialogue in this teaser is Luke, dramatically standing in the awning of his hole in the cliffside, saying that

It's time for the Jedi to end.

The Internet lost their shit on that one but sensible Star Wars fans be like "I kinda stopped caring after the Phantom Menace". If you consider how the Jedi were trained in the Old Republic, they do come off as uppity religious zealots, which would probably push some to be favour the easier path. The writers of the new movie may be trying to make Luke (will you people just leave Mark Hamill alone?) sound like he is preaching moderation but if all the Star Wars movies, tv adaptations, comic books, books, video games, cereal, toys, feminine hygiene products, gardening tools, etc, have taught us anything, it's that the Dark Side is anything but mellow and they NEVER give up. So you're not making sense Luke.

On the bright side

This teaser has no fog horn. The Rogue One teaser had taken it to ridiculous levels with a fog horn that sounded like Jar Jar binks being kicked in the nads at a very precise tempo.

Here's the damn teaser/trailer:

Go back to the beginning of the article and make your way down again